WHAT'S YOUR HEART CONDITION?

Andrew Stenhouse

 

When I turned forty, my office staff gave my daughters and me annual Passes to Disneyland and told me that I needed to become a kid again.

Visiting the park any chance we could get, I learned to love California Adventure since we experienced it for the first time together. One of the most memorable visits was one that my thirteen year-old daughter Taryn will never forget. Neither will I.

I learned that one of the best attractions was Grizzly Splash, as Taryn called it, which isn’t really a ride at all. It’s merely an observation deck at the very bottom of the last drop of the Grizzly River Run (where the brochure convinces you that the wetter, the better). After we had waited nearly an hour to go on the ride, which wasn’t all that exciting but did build one’s hopes of getting wet, we enjoyed the observation deck much, much more than the ride itself.

This is a place where people can watch the rafts drop and get completely drenched by the splash. I mean soaked to the bone. The first time a raft came down, a wall of water came over us and nearly knocked me over. It took my breath away and judging by the scream of laughter from my daughters, I must have looked pretty shocked. Taryn must have stood in that spot for nearly 30 minutes, squealing with exuberant laughter, acting each time she was splashed as if it were the first. Dripping wet, clothes dragging the ground, she then walked through the park looking like the Swamp Thing and told everyone she saw all about "Grizzly Splash." She convinced dozens of people that day to try it. After all, she concluded, There’s more than just the ride, there’s the splash too! One lady told me that I was lucky. You’ve got a real fun one there. Boy, didn’t I know it!

When Taryn gave me a sopping-wet bear hug to thank me for taking her there, I could feel her pounding heart beat on my stomach. I laughed at her pure delight and thought to myself, as I often do when she gets so excited, how her heart must really be getting a workout.

When she had open-heart surgery as a little girl I wondered if she would ever really get to enjoy life like other kids. Funny! While her surgery was a very traumatic experience for her mom and I, she has few memories of it and still likes to show off a bit of her scar and tell people that she has a special heart. I believe she does.

Her heart is special not because it was broken and the surgeon fixed it, but because God made it special. He made it pure. She used to sing a song in kindergarten, "Create in me a clean heart Oh God, that I might serve you." He did. She does. She always seems to have so much joy, seeing the best in people, appreciating the little things (the splashes as well as the rides), and always saying thank you. Yes, she has a heart condition. And I hope to have it too someday.

As I see it, there are two types of heart conditions and we eventually choose a path to one of the two. According to Erik Erikson, as we move toward the final stage of our Psychosocial Development, we begin moving either toward integrity or toward despair.

The Broken Heart (Integrity)

The stage of integrity is where we feel a sense of fulfillment about life, even though our hearts have been broken many times, and we accept death as an unavoidable reality. This stage of integrity is what I call the Broken Heart condition.

In the fourteenth chapter of John’s Gospel, the Disciples are discouraged and heart broken. They had just learned that things were not turning out the way they had planned and were suddenly left standing at a crossroad in their lives. Jesus encouraged them to take the path toward integrity. Don’t let your hearts be troubled… you will do great things… you will live forever with me… I will give you peace.

Rather than take the road to despair, they listened to their Lord and were empowered to live their lives beyond their own ability, doing great and miraculous things. They were enlightened as they understood things like never before, seeing the beauty of miracles both large and small everyday. They were embraced by peace, even in the midst of distress and heartache, because they chose to trust the Lord’s words and had deep hope in their eternal future. They became wiser, more contemplative, more childlike, appreciating the small things that suddenly now seemed so big. They learned to enjoy the splash.

The Hardened Heart (Despair)

The stage of despair is where we are unable to obtain a feeling of fulfillment and completeness and instead harden our hearts and give in to desperation, fearing death. This stage of despair is what I call the Hardened Heart condition.

Unfortunately this seems to be a more common heart condition than the first. Paul talks about this condition in Ephesians 4: 18, 19. He challenges us not to live like those who have hardened their hearts. They are darkened in their understanding and ignorant… having lost all sensitivity… they indulge in everything but are never fulfilled by anything.

Those who are on the road to despair are ignorant, not knowing right from wrong and not really caring either. They are insensitive, not recognizing the needs of those around them, but instead preoccupied with themselves and how unhappy they are because everyone around them and life in general has been so unfair. This self-absorption only feeds their growing emptiness. They become indulgent, trying desperately to fulfill their insatiable desire for gratification, only to find out however that satisfaction becomes more and more elusive. They try one ride after another never quite getting the rush they need in order to be satisfied.

The Path Less Traveled

It seems that the key to taking the path toward integrity, rather than that of despair, is a matter of daily choice and daily reflection, finding meaning and satisfaction through life’s little things (the splashes) as well as life’s big things (the rides). It is something that we must work on today, tomorrow, and the next. Then, when looking back on our life experiences, they make sense to us and we feel as if our lives have had purpose after all. On the other hand, the path toward despair leads to depression because we honestly believe that we have never really experienced nor accomplished anything of value during our lives. Subsequently, despair, dread, and hopelessness emerge.

As I reflect on that day at Disneyland, I recall standing at the crossroads like the Disciples, feeling heartbroken because things had not turned out the way I had planned. I distinctly remember wanting to rush through all the rides so we could hurry up and go home. But when Taryn’s appreciation for the splash caused me to choose a different path we stayed until the park closed. After the girls had gone to bed, I recorded the day in my journal.

Taryn discovered how silly it is to stand in line for an hour when the whole point is to get wet and then walk through the park with people pointing, laughing, and asking, ‘what ride did you go on!?’ Taryn enjoys the simple things like being wet with all her clothes on. At thirteen, she had discovered one of the greatest secrets in life. It’s not the ride, it’s the splash!